The BLESSED SAVIOR has arrived at long last: the Happy Fun Cult has named Tom Cruise as the new messiah. In honor of his arrogance, BigForks has recorded over its small collection of VHS movies starring Tom Cruise with episodes of Spongebob Squarepants. Fork us over a gay bathtup buddy any day! Butt seriously, folks: who else to better lead a plastic "church" than the king of plastic surgery and bad acting himself? Dr. Seuss himself couldn't outfox old Lafayette Hubbard.

Offended by criticism of $cientology? If so, then you haven't given the "church" enough ca$h yet to reach $cientology's Level 10, the Imperial Wizard. BigForks wishes $cientology dupes everywhere the best of luck with their $hopping $pree for $pirituality! And get a sense of humor already: arresting critics for an obvious joke makes of mockery of Scientology's premise of "knowing how to know."

Now BigForks isn't out to reinvent the wheel: plenty of other intelligent people have connected the dots between the CIA's mind control research and $cientology. And at least one person has done their homework on the CIA's well-documented mind control programs and Scientology.

In the words of the immortal Jackie Gleason: "Truth has nothing to do with reality."

Tin foil hats:
Protecting your mind from $cientology since 1952.